Friday, December 29, 2006
Holiday
EID MUBARAK & HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL
Thursday, December 28, 2006
3 things
1. lost my wallet
2. had all my wisdom teeth removed in 1 go
3. gone on stage with David Copperfield
3 things I've never done:
1. bungee jump
2. scuba dive
3. change a flat tire
3 things i'd like to do:
1. run the NYC marathon
2. learn Spanish
3. swim with dolphins
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Spice up your English
callipygian: having well-formed buttocks
colpocoquette: woman who knows she has an attractive bosom and makes good use of its allure
defenestration: act of throwing someone or something out of a window
dysania: the state of finding it hard to get out of bed
exophagy: the practice, amongst cannibals, of not eating one's relatives or members of one's tribe (what the hell)
lethonomia: the inability to recall the names of people
plenilune (yazeed you will like this one) : the time of the full moon
tarantism: overwhelming urge to banish one's melancholy by dancing
tmesis: separation of the parts of a word by another word, e.g. abso-
bloody-lutely
From now on, I will force myself to use the words apodyopsis and tarantism regularly. They're just too cool.
* I added an "about Joud" to the blog, for the day
Monday, December 25, 2006
Summary 2006
I must send my thanks for sending me the one about rat shit in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, now I have to scrub the top of every beer can I open for the same reason. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the £15,000 that BillGates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's convent has granted my every wish. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl into my back seat while I'm paying for the fuel, I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. I no longer use Clingfilm in the microwave because it causes cancer. Thanks for forwarding the advice on avoiding cut-up lettuce ands spinach packaged in plastic bags for saving me and my family from Ecoli contamination by letting me know that deer droppings may be add-ons to our salads. And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will l blow up in my face ...disfiguring me for life. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample, causing me to pass out while he/she and robs me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Costa coffee since I now have their recipe. And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up £20.00 dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy fuel from certain petrol companies!
If you don't send this to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon, and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician ...
Have a wonderful year....
PS: A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read blogs with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!!
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Nokiaholic
One Second Condom
Saturday, December 23, 2006
USB Chiller
Brainteaser
Enjoy.
Sh*t I got fined
I can think of many better ways to spend 50kd.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
New Year Resolutions
Every year I make resolutions hoping I can stick to them, and every year I fail, and I figured out why, every year I make the same resolutions as the year before, it's time to make new resolutions for a new year, this time it will be different cause I'm not picking my resolutions, you are, yes you are picking them for me, and I will stick to them.
I googled "new year resolutions" and found out that the most popular resolutions made on new year are:
- Lose weight/Get fit
- Pay off debts (if the gov doesn't do it for you)
- Spend time with friends & family
- Quit smoking
- Quit alcohol (easily done in Kuwait)
- Save money
- Get a better education
- Help others - volunteer
- Enjoy more life (huh??)
- Get organized
Fun Stuff
Some good links I kept during the years, now I can share with everyone.
AxeFeather - I wouldn't mind tickling her
Joe Cartoon - This is a great site, must see
Do you know Jack Schitt - you don't know Jack
I'm Rick James, Bitch - T-Shirts
Funny Posters - Posters
I'll update this list later.
15 Ways to keep a healthy level of insanity in the workplace
2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)
3. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive."
4. Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.
5. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
6. Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."
7. Determine how many cups of coffee are "too many."
8. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
9. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
10. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
11. When driving colleagues around insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep 'em tuned up."
12. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think?"
13. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a Parakeet.
14. Sit in the parking lot at lunchtime pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
15. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
Time Killers
MiniClip
Addicting Games
Pop Cap
Free Online Games
Shockwave
Try Crypt Raider on MiniClip, personally my fav. and I'm sorry, I know this will waste most of your day.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
2007 Here We Come
Spork
we've all tried a "whore's breakfast", and we've all had "food of shame" for a meal. I'm going to make myself a "sammitch" or "samwich".
Sick leave part 3
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
3 things
1. watching movies
2. chocolate
3. surprises (the good kind)
3 things i don't like:
1. grocery shopping
2. rain
3. inconsistency
Sick leave part 2
I already watched a movie and 4 hours worth of sitcoms.
Plus I'm high on all the medication I keep taking.
Arrgghhhhh I need out, I need out now...Help..HELPP...HHHEEELLLLPPPPPP
Childhood Memories
Remember The Neverending Story, the giant dog used to freak me out. This brings back memories.
The Neverending Story
The Goonies
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Back to the Future
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Ghostbusters
Revenge of the Nerds
You kicked my dog
GO HABS GO
Its been fourteen years since the Habs won their last Stanley Cup, this season looks very promising.
The Montreal Canadiens
Monday, December 18, 2006
Word of the week
To position oneself on a subway platform such that, when the passenger steps off the train at his destination, he'll be as close as possible to the exit or stairs to his transfer. Used and done often in the nyc subway system.
Sorry, I can't talk with you while we wait for the train. I've got to prewalk to the end of the platform.
I save time prewalking.
I used to prewalk all the time in the metro's of Montreal.
Pick me up
3 of the ones I found most amusing:
1. Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.
2. Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy.
3. I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk.
I've been a victim of a textbook pick-up line before:
male A: Your father must've been a thief
joud: huh ??
male A: he stole 2 stars and put them in your eyes
joud: what the....
True story! he had a 3angoo9 too
a) how can someone say that with a straight face
b) how is that romantic - having stars in my eyes ??
c) seriously. get a life
Sick leave
Anyways, a "mustawsaf" is bad news, I felt worse the second I walked in, its dirty, allot of screaming kids, and my doctor looked suicidal, I wasn't very comfortable, I just wanted to get my sick leave paper signed and get out of there. There was one good thing to it, I got free medication, although I wouldn't dare take the stuff they gave me, it's always nice to get free stuff. I'm sticking to the usual way, lots of liquid, bed rest, lots and lots of NyQuil and a movie marathon.
Uesdnatnrd tihs
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Yekshamesh
i am very exciting bout watching Borat za movie, and did not want to get cinema DVD from Hawali, i like to wait for the original one and then I buy from Hawali, HIGH FIVE. Жеп жүрмін but i find great copy like DVD, what you call in america - screemer, and i buy.... at night i watch and laughing laughing, i'm exciting
Chenqui
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Googling Kuwait
"A narrow-minded & prejudice opinion indicated that some Arabian tribes came to Kuwait before others. [citation needed] In reality, this is only a stubborn opinion made by tribesmen themselves, and should not be mistaken with Kuwait's true history. [citation needed] Nobody knows the precise history of Kuwait, therefore no genuine historian could conclude the exact origins of the founding fathers of this nation."
Interesting isn't it ;)
Dubai
I was in Dubai for the weekend, and everytime I go there I get pissed off cause Kuwaits potential of becoming better than Dubai in every aspect is huge, why is it that with all this oil and money, we still can't get ahead of them?
This is what Shiekh Zayed Road in Dubai looked like 1990 and 2003. I left Kuwait 1990 and came back 2004, and everything looks exactly the same.
WHY?
Friday, December 15, 2006
Coincidence?
Definition of terrorist:
1. a person, usually a member of a group, who uses or advocates terrorism.
2. one that engages in acts or an act of terrorism
3. a radical who employs terror as a political weapon; usually organizes with other terrorists in small cells; often uses religion as a cover for terrorist activities
4. a person who tries to frighten people or governments into doing what he/she wants by using or threatening violence
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
3 things
1. numbers
2. sports
3. seeing the humor in things
3 things i'm not good at:
1. giving directions
2. lying
3. parallel parking
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Phone facts
1) Emergency number
The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of coverage area of your mobile network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly ...this number 112 can be dialed even while the keypad is locked. Try it out.
[ TRUE, it is the international emergency number - don't ask me how I found out]
2) Locked the keys in the car?
Your car has remote keys? - This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are home, call someone on your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the other person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has theother "remote" for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).
[WOW this is impressive.. IT FREAKIN WORKS .. I gave my spare car keys to my friend, and I was in a different zip code, far far away]
3) Hidden Battery power
Imagine your cell battery is very low, u r expecting an important call and u don't have a charger. Nokia instrument comes with a reserve battery. To activate, press the keys *3370# Your cell will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will gets chargedwhen u charge your cell next time.
[OK I found the trick, its not actually hidden battery power, you do get more battery power, but not cause this is an option from the NOKIA ppl, its cause in GSM there are 3 speech codecs: Half Rate (HR), Full Rate (FR) and Enhanced Full Rate (EFR). Basically, the difference is about the same as something recorded in the mp3 format. HR being about mpr cbr at a bitrate of 64. FR would be a bitrate of 128 and EFR would be mp3pro VBR at a bitrate of 128.The sound quality is better using EFR, but the phone will have to use a little more power to transmit your voice. OTOH, HR sounds awful, but you may save up to 40% talk time. You can easily switch from a codec to another entering that code. *3370# on your phone equals *EFR0#, #3370# would turn off EFR]
4) How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?
To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone: * # 0 6 # A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. (Pls do it right now.)Should your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either and can use it as PAPER WEIGHT. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing Mobile phones.Please spread this useful information around.
[Yep works, but would you really depend on your mobile service provider to disable your phone.... or do you even care to disable it, if you lost your phone, get a new one and move on]
5) Caution
Always use left ear while using cell (mobile), because if you use the right one it will affect brain directly. This is a true fact from Apollo medical team. Please forward to all your well wishers.
[FICTION, isn't logical either]
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Kuwait, not too shabby
Ever wonder which city is the most expensive to live in worldwide? You might think of Tokyo, London, NYC; but it's not. Here's the "Worldwide Cost of Living Survey 2006 - City Rankings" by Mercer (click to enlarge).
Dubai and Beirut are ahead of San Fransisco, Stockholm and Amsterdam!
1st post
That's all there is to it - it might last a month, a year, a week, who knows.
Welcome to iKuwait.