Holiday

It's 12:30 am, and my flight to Lebanon is in the morning, I'm all packed and ready, I'm super excited, it's been ages since I last went to Beirut, I'm taking my laptop with me, so I'll be posting while I'm there, I just hope I find the time, maybe between the drinking and the hangovers. I have to go get some sleep now.

EID MUBARAK & HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL

3 things

3 things I've done:
1. lost my wallet
2. had all my wisdom teeth removed in 1 go
3. gone on stage with David Copperfield

3 things I've never done:
1. bungee jump
2. scuba dive
3. change a flat tire

3 things i'd like to do:
1. run the NYC marathon
2. learn Spanish
3. swim with dolphins

Spice up your English

apodyopsis: act of mentally undressing someone

callipygian: having well-formed buttocks

colpocoquette: woman who knows she has an attractive bosom and makes good use of its allure

defenestration: act of throwing someone or something out of a window

dysania: the state of finding it hard to get out of bed

exophagy: the practice, amongst cannibals, of not eating one's relatives or members of one's tribe (what the hell)

lethonomia: the inability to recall the names of people

plenilune (yazeed you will like this one) : the time of the full moon

tarantism: overwhelming urge to banish one's melancholy by dancing

tmesis: separation of the parts of a word by another word, e.g. abso-
bloody-lutely


From now on, I will force myself to use the words apodyopsis and tarantism regularly. They're just too cool.

* I added an "about Joud" to the blog, for the day

Xmas

If you see one of those




hurry and stand under it ;)

Merry Christmas (what's left of it)

Summary 2006

I have just read back through my e-mails for the last 12 months, here's a summary

I must send my thanks for sending me the one about rat shit in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, now I have to scrub the top of every beer can I open for the same reason. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the £15,000 that BillGates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's convent has granted my every wish. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl into my back seat while I'm paying for the fuel, I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. I no longer use Clingfilm in the microwave because it causes cancer. Thanks for forwarding the advice on avoiding cut-up lettuce ands spinach packaged in plastic bags for saving me and my family from Ecoli contamination by letting me know that deer droppings may be add-ons to our salads. And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will l blow up in my face ...disfiguring me for life. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample, causing me to pass out while he/she and robs me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Costa coffee since I now have their recipe. And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up £20.00 dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy fuel from certain petrol companies!

If you don't send this to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon, and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician ...

Have a wonderful year....

PS: A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read blogs with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!!

Nokiaholic

My first phone ever was a Motorola (got it in 1996) and a year later I switched to Nokia, and have been a Nokiaholic ever since, they're just too good, user friendly, nice looking, durable, and great functionality.

I just bought the Nokia E50 and loving it, it's very simple and got almost all the options that every phone has these days. While I was at the store they mentioned something about it not having WiFi, do we really need phones with WiFi, it's been over done, at max I would like a camera to shoot a moment that you don't see everyday, but WiFi, Microsoft Office, a laser pointer.... what the hell...... who cares for these things, if you have a desktop/laptop you're set for everything, no need to complicate our lives more than they already are.

PS: it voices the callers name out (cool option)

One Second Condom

I just received this link in an e-mail from a friend, I want some of those, come to think about it, there's no need, I forgot I live in Kuwait. Click Here.

Blame-shifting at work

Some Dilbert office humor which may or may not help you start your workweek with a smile.

USB Chiller

This is gonna make my hot summer days, and it's dirt cheap too. I'm gonna order a couple online through ushopweship USB Chiller

Brainteaser

This is a great brainteaser, I couldn't get off it till I was done, Joud helped me finish it, some parts are somewhat tricky.
Enjoy.

Sh*t I got fined

The traffic department of the ministry of interior has an internet portal which lets you chek if you have any pending traffic fines (so far only available in Arabic). I was checking it a bit ago to reassure myself that I've been good on the road, but unfortunately:



I can think of many better ways to spend 50kd.

New Year Resolutions

Every year I make resolutions hoping I can stick to them, and every year I fail, and I figured out why, every year I make the same resolutions as the year before, it's time to make new resolutions for a new year, this time it will be different cause I'm not picking my resolutions, you are, yes you are picking them for me, and I will stick to them.

I googled "new year resolutions" and found out that the most popular resolutions made on new year are:

1. Lose weight/Get fit
2. Pay off debts (if the gov doesn't do it for you)
3. Spend time with friends & family
4. Quit smoking
5. Quit alcohol (easily done in Kuwait)
6. Save money
7. Get a better education
8. Help others - volunteer
9. Enjoy more life (huh??)
10. Get organized

I want something different, new, exciting, do you have any ideas for me?

Why loans should be avoided

What happens if you don't pay back your loans...

Fun Stuff

I was cleaning out my e-mail, and realized that I've had my gmail account since august 2004.. doesnt feel that long, how time flies by.

Some good links I kept during the years, now I can share with everyone.

AxeFeather - I wouldn't mind tickling her
Joe Cartoon - This is a great site, must see
Do you know Jack Schitt - you don't know Jack
I'm Rick James, Bitch - T-Shirts
Funny Posters - Posters

I'll update this list later.

15 Ways to keep a healthy level of insanity in the workplace

1. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)
3. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive."
4. Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.
5. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
6. Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."
7. Determine how many cups of coffee are "too many."
8. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
9. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
10. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
11. When driving colleagues around insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep 'em tuned up."
12. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think?"
13. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a Parakeet.
14. Sit in the parking lot at lunchtime pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
15. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".

Time Killers

Some of my favorite sites for killing some time, which end up taking up all my time.

MiniClip
Addicting Games
Pop Cap
Free Online Games
Shockwave

Try Crypt Raider on MiniClip, personally my fav. and I'm sorry, I know this will waste most of your day.

2007 Here We Come

10 more days, I'm not really hyped up for the whole new year partying thing, the fact that we have a 10 day vacation, that I'm looking forward to. For the past month I've been stressing about where to go what to do, now I'm all confirmed - stress free - chillaxing - waiting for the week to pass, knowing that my level of functionality at work will be no more than 20%. (same level as Ramadan) don't we all get into "vacation mode" at least a week before we travel. I love that mode, you're always happy, in a good mood, nothing can piss you off cause you know you'll be living it up soon.

Ahhh Beirut Beirut Beirut, I can't wait to check in my hotel room, and not get back in except during sleeping hours (5-11:30am) unless I get lucky then my sleeping hours will change accordingly.

Spork

The Urban Dictionary is one of the greatest sites the internet has to offer.

we've all tried a "whore's breakfast", and we've all had "food of shame" for a meal. I'm going to make myself a "sammitch" or "samwich".

Sick leave part 3

I couldn't even get out of bed this morning, I snoozed the alarm over 7 times before shutting it off. I have a fever, I'm coughing, fatigue and anything else you can imagine. I just can't believe they can put a man on the moon, but they can't find a cure for the flu. The weird thing is I am not bothered with the flu as much as I am bothered with the time I spent in bed doing nothing. Its boring as hell, I had enough of the reruns they have on Showtime, within the past 36 hours I've seen the same episodes over and over again, not of the good shows no noooo, the worst of the worst. (as mentioned in Sick leave part 2 - yesterday's post). I have to do something productive, but I'm in no condition to think of anything to do....... wooohoo Reba is on AGAIN, I'm going to jump out of the window

3 things

3 things i like:
1. watching movies
2. chocolate
3. surprises (the good kind)

3 things i don't like:
1. grocery shopping
2. rain
3. inconsistency

Sick leave part 2

Yesterday I felt like I'm coming down with the flu, I was right, I am officially sick. I left work early again today and decided to come home rest, watch some TV, now I am extremely bored and in pain, Showtime has nothing good during working hours, who the hell watches The Nanny, The Cosby Show, Rosanne.... COME ON ... ROSANNE?????
I already watched a movie and 4 hours worth of sitcoms.
Plus I'm high on all the medication I keep taking.

Arrgghhhhh I need out, I need out now...Help..HELPP...HHHEEELLLLPPPPPP

Childhood Memories

Remember The Neverending Story, the giant dog used to freak me out. This brings back memories.



The Neverending Story
The Goonies
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Back to the Future
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Ghostbusters
Revenge of the Nerds

You kicked my dog

Surely one of the funniest prank calls you'll come accross. I remember it from years ago and it still makes me laugh. Click on the picture and prepare to be amused.

GO HABS GO

Its been fourteen years since the Habs won their last Stanley Cup, this season looks very promising.
The Montreal Canadiens

Word of the week

1. prewalking

To position oneself on a subway platform such that, when the passenger steps off the train at his destination, he'll be as close as possible to the exit or stairs to his transfer. Used and done often in the nyc subway system.

Sorry, I can't talk with you while we wait for the train. I've got to prewalk to the end of the platform.

I save time prewalking.

I used to prewalk all the time in the metro's of Montreal.

Pick me up

Have you been looking for a website dedicated to pick-up lines? Look no more. www.linesthataregood.com/



3 of the ones I found most amusing:


1. Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.
2. Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy.
3. I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk.

I've been a victim of a textbook pick-up line before:

male A: Your father must've been a thief
joud: huh ??
male A: he stole 2 stars and put them in your eyes
joud: what the....

True story! he had a 3angoo9 too

a) how can someone say that with a straight face
b) how is that romantic - having stars in my eyes ??
c) seriously. get a life

Sick leave

I'm coming down with the flu so I decided to leave work early today, on my way home I stopped by the "mustawsaf", first of all, what the hell is a mustawsaf? does this word mean anything, cause I never heard of a "mustawsaf" existing anywhere but here in Kuwait.

Anyways, a "mustawsaf" is bad news, I felt worse the second I walked in, its dirty, allot of screaming kids, and my doctor looked suicidal, I wasn't very comfortable, I just wanted to get my sick leave paper signed and get out of there. There was one good thing to it, I got free medication, although I wouldn't dare take the stuff they gave me, it's always nice to get free stuff. I'm sticking to the usual way, lots of liquid, bed rest, lots and lots of NyQuil and a movie marathon.

Uesdnatnrd tihs

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

Yekshamesh

i am very exciting bout watching Borat za movie, and did not want to get cinema DVD from Hawali, i like to wait for the original one and then I buy from Hawali, HIGH FIVE. Жеп жүрмін but i find great copy like DVD, what you call in america - screemer, and i buy.... at night i watch and laughing laughing, i'm exciting

Chenqui

What does Lebanese mean?

Sad but true...

Googling Kuwait

In a mindless googling session, I did a search on "Kuwait" and came accross this excerpt straight out of Wikipedia, under "History of Kuwait:"

"A narrow-minded & prejudice opinion indicated that some Arabian tribes came to Kuwait before others. [citation needed] In reality, this is only a stubborn opinion made by tribesmen themselves, and should not be mistaken with Kuwait's true history. [citation needed] Nobody knows the precise history of Kuwait, therefore no genuine historian could conclude the exact origins of the founding fathers of this nation."

Interesting isn't it ;)

Dubai

I was in Dubai for the weekend, and everytime I go there I get pissed off cause Kuwaits potential of becoming better than Dubai in every aspect is huge, why is it that with all this oil and money, we still can't get ahead of them?

This is what Shiekh Zayed Road in Dubai looked like 1990 and 2003. I left Kuwait 1990 and came back 2004, and everything looks exactly the same.

WHY?

Coincidence?

I was surfing the web last night and somehow came across the FBI's Most wanted terrorists list and saw that 23 out of 26 of these "terrorists" are Arabs/Muslims, the other 3 are from the Philippines, but they all served in the foreign terrorist organization, Abu Sayyaf Group (ASG) which is a militant Islamist separatist group.


Definition of terrorist:
1. a person, usually a member of a group, who uses or advocates terrorism.
2. one that engages in acts or an act of terrorism
3. a radical who employs terror as a political weapon; usually organizes with other terrorists in small cells; often uses religion as a cover for terrorist activities
4. a person who tries to frighten people or governments into doing what he/she wants by using or threatening violence

3 things

3 things i'm good at:
1. numbers
2. sports
3. seeing the humor in things

3 things i'm not good at:
1. giving directions
2. lying
3. parallel parking

Phone facts

I am usually a very skeptical person, and I always have to see or do things to believe them, a few weeks back I got this e-mail and I couldn't resist but to test each point out.

1) Emergency number
The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of coverage area of your mobile network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly ...this number 112 can be dialed even while the keypad is locked. Try it out.
[ TRUE, it is the international emergency number - don't ask me how I found out]

2) Locked the keys in the car?
Your car has remote keys? - This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are home, call someone on your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the other person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has theother "remote" for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).
[WOW this is impressive.. IT FREAKIN WORKS .. I gave my spare car keys to my friend, and I was in a different zip code, far far away]

3) Hidden Battery power
Imagine your cell battery is very low, u r expecting an important call and u don't have a charger. Nokia instrument comes with a reserve battery. To activate, press the keys *3370# Your cell will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will gets chargedwhen u charge your cell next time.
[OK I found the trick, its not actually hidden battery power, you do get more battery power, but not cause this is an option from the NOKIA ppl, its cause in GSM there are 3 speech codecs: Half Rate (HR), Full Rate (FR) and Enhanced Full Rate (EFR). Basically, the difference is about the same as something recorded in the mp3 format. HR being about mpr cbr at a bitrate of 64. FR would be a bitrate of 128 and EFR would be mp3pro VBR at a bitrate of 128.The sound quality is better using EFR, but the phone will have to use a little more power to transmit your voice. OTOH, HR sounds awful, but you may save up to 40% talk time. You can easily switch from a codec to another entering that code. *3370# on your phone equals *EFR0#, #3370# would turn off EFR]

4) How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?
To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone: * # 0 6 # A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. (Pls do it right now.)Should your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either and can use it as PAPER WEIGHT. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing Mobile phones.Please spread this useful information around.
[Yep works, but would you really depend on your mobile service provider to disable your phone.... or do you even care to disable it, if you lost your phone, get a new one and move on]

5) Caution
Always use left ear while using cell (mobile), because if you use the right one it will affect brain directly. This is a true fact from Apollo medical team. Please forward to all your well wishers.
[FICTION, isn't logical either]

Kuwait, not too shabby

Now that the intro's out of the way..

Ever wonder which city is the most expensive to live in worldwide? You might think of Tokyo, London, NYC; but it's not. Here's the "Worldwide Cost of Living Survey 2006 - City Rankings" by Mercer (click to enlarge).

For the complete Mercer listing of 144 cities click here and scroll down. Kuwait is # 78.

Dubai and Beirut are ahead of San Fransisco, Stockholm and Amsterdam!

1st post

After Yazeed and I decided to start a blog, I thought maybe the first post should be some kind of intro; so here it is - this blog is the result of a conversation which ended with "why don't we start a blog?" and "it would be fun."

That's all there is to it - it might last a month, a year, a week, who knows.

Welcome to iKuwait.