Don't mess with Joud

An American in Dubai

This following extract is taken from an American who moved to Dubai
earlier this year...

April 30th:
Just got transferred to work and live in beautiful Dubai, UAE! WOW!!!
Now this is a city that knows how to live!!! Beautiful sunny days and warm
balmy evenings. It's like New York City minus all the crooks, murderers,
and drunks. What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on my
beautiful bedroom verandah. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I
love it here.

May 13th:
Really heating up. Got to 95 degrees today. Not a problem. Live in an
air- conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car, and everything is
fully air-conditioned. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this.
I'm turning into a sun worshiper.

May 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today around our lovely
pool. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing
lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here. Heat is no problem
at all.

June 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 95 all week even during the night. How
do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of windy
though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 90% of my body. Missed
5 days of work. What a dumb thing to do in this lovely city. I learned my
lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th:
Kitty (our cat) sneaked into the car when I left for the office. By the
time I got to the hot car for my lunch break, Kitty had died and swollen up
to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $60,000 Audi. I told the
kids that she ran away! The car now smells like Wiskettes and cat shit. I
learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

July 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant fucking hair dryer in here!!! And
it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner died. The fucking AC repairman
charged 500 Dirhams just to drive over and tell me it was broken in fucking
Hindu English or some language that I couldn't understand.

July 30th:
Air conditioner still broken. Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3
nights now because it is 7000 fucking degrees inside. Bloody 2,000,000
Dirhams house and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here? Fuck
the sun. Fuck the wind. Fuck the freakin' ocean. And fucking locals walk
around dressed in white tablecloths followed by little black female ninjas.
Fucking crazy town.

August 4th:
It's 114 fucking degrees!! Today. Finally got the ol' air-conditioner
fixed. It cost 2,000 fucking Dirhams and got the temperature down to 25,
but the fucking humidity makes the house feel 30 fucking Dubai degrees.
Stupid terrorist repairman. I hate this stupid fucking place.

August 8th:
If another local wiseass cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to
fucking whack him all the way back to his goddamn desert. Fucking Dubai;
by the time I get to work with all that fucking traffic and heat, the car's
radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like a
baked cat!!!

August 9th:
Tried to run some errands today because it is fucking Friday. Wore shorts
and sat on the black leather seats in my Audi. The seat was so fucking hot
I thought my ass was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on
t he back of my legs and my fucking ass! ! . Now my car smells like burnt hair,
fried ass, and a baked cat.

August 10th:
The weather report might as well be a fucking recording. Hot, humid and
fucking sunny. Hot, humid and fucking sunny. Hot, humid and fucking sunny.
It's been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman dude
wearing the fucking white tablecloth on TV says it might really warm up
next week. Does it ever rain in this damn fucking place? What is next, a
fucking hell freezing over wave?

August 14th:
WELCOME TO HELL!!! Temperature got to 120 today. Now the
air-conditioner's gone in my fucking Audi. The fucking Audi serviceman
said, 'Hot enough for you today?' Fuck him and fuck Audi. My wife had to
spend the 7,000 Dirham to bail my ass out of jail for assaulting that
stupid fucking Paki bastard wiseass. Fuck Dubai! What kind of a sick
demented fucking idiot would want to live in this shit hole?

August 15th: (Independence Day?)

Fuck this place. I'm off back to New York

Word association game

this is a game i play with a friend whenever we're bored (especially on msn) :

one of us says a random word, then the other says the 1st word that comes to mind, then back to the other person, etc....

almost always, things take an interesting turn and it gets pretty funny or weird or touchy

so let's do this - please read the last word in the comments section, and write, as a comment, the very 1st word that pops into your head, whatever it is - and feel free to comment as many times as you want, but not consecutively

i'll start - the first word is: fresh

top of the world

this picture was taken a couple of weeks ago, its the top of Burj Dubai which apparently have reached over 162 floors


click on pic for wiki link

This is how i feel today

so much to do, so little time . this is gonna be a looooong week....

THE BEST PUT DOWN LINE EVER

For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an 'Australian treasure!'

General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently. You'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of an ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?


GENERAL COSGROVE: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.


FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?


GENERAL COSGROVE: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.


FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.


GENERAL COSGROVE: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?


The radio went silent and the interview ended.

........I dont know how true this story is, but i think its priceless........

Scuba

i'm finally starting my scuba course !

i can't wait for my 1st dive, but the one problem with scuba is that wet suits look like crap

neverless, i will try and find a flattering one....

Mezzanine

to all ppl who work on the mezzanine floor anywhere - pls dont crowd the elevators, take the stairs instead, it's only 1 floor !

How u know u're in 2008

1. u have more mobile phone numbers in your family than u have family members




2. u send emails to colleagues who are sitting accross from u




3. u lose touch with friends and family members who don't have an email address




4. u park your car in the driveway then use your mobile to call someone in the house to help u with the groceries




5. every tv ad has a website listed at the bottom of the screen




6. leaving home without your mobile - which u didn't use for the first 20 years of your life - causes u to panick, then go back home to pick it up




8. in the morning u get on the internet before u even drink your coffee




9. u're smiling and shaking your head as u're reading this




10. u're so busy that u didn't even notice that this list doesn't have a number 7.




11. u looked back up to check if there really isn't a number 7.




12. u're sure that if u looked back up - again - u will notice that there is a number 7 but that u hadn't noticed




13. u looked back up to make sure, and realized that i tricked u and that u're gullible

How old are u, really ?

this is really cool, it evaluates how old u really are vs your biological age, based on your lifestyle and how u treat your body.

find out your real age and share your results here ! click below

Last minute elections advice

if u're going to vote tomorrow and still have some uncertainty about who to pick for that 4th vote, or if u want some info on some of the other candidates in your district, visit this site - which is part of a huge political Kuwaiti database built by an assistant professor at georgia state university

it gives u election history / rankings about the candidates, as well as their political orientation and best of all - their positions/votes on some of the bills addressed in the parliament in the past, like women's right to vote, reducing the districts to 5, interrogation of certain ministers etc (for this level of detail u have to click the name of the candidate)

happy research, and good luck tomorrow

21,915 BLACK BALLOONS OVER JERUSALEM

"To celebrate 60 years of independence, Israel is planning a large-scale birthday bash with events taking place in many different countries around the world. In Jerusalem, a 3-day conference, under the title "Facing Tomorrow" is planned from May 13 – 15, to which many world leaders, such as U.S. President Bush, and French President Sarkozy, and celebrities such as Barbara Streisand and Steven Spielberg have been invited and plan to attend. It is wrong to celebrate and we need to do something BIG to make the world, and those gathered to celebrate Israel, see and hear us. We* have this idea and we need your help to make it happen! On May 15, we will launch 21,915 (365 days x 60 years) black balloons over the skies of Jerusalem. We aim to turn the skies over Israel's celebrations black to let people know that there is another side of the story, a side of heartache, suffering and dispossession. At the same time, each balloon will carry a letter from a Palestinian child expressing his/her hope for the future, to let the world know that we believe in and dream of justice."

I think the concept is good, but the money should go for aid instead of balloons that will mean nothing and fade away in the distance after 3 minutes.

Click on the link for the actual website

sukkar banat - kuwait

i just got inside scoop that they'll be screening Caramel, now thats a film i can't wait to see

Does anyone know the date of this event?

Falafel

the perfect (and most ridiculous) way to kill time and fast forward to the weekend... click below

A woman without her man is nothing

;)

I love this joke

صعيدي اشترك بمسابقة من سيربح المليون وكان السؤال الثاني

عصفور باليد ولا عشرة على

أ) الشجرة

ب) البقرة
ج) الصفراء

د) الحمراء

فقال لجورج قرداحي: من أولها صعبة. ما نسأل الجمهور

فكان جواب الجمهور 100% الجواب الأول الشجرة

فقال لجورج: مش دايماً الجمهور على حق،نحذف إجابتين. حذفله إجابتين فبقي الجواب الأول الشجرة والجواب الثاني البقرة

فقال لجورج: يااااادي المصيبة بقى الجوابين الشاكك فيهم

طب نتصل بصديقي ( هريدي ) فأتصل بهريدي: ( إزيك يا أبو صميده كيف أخبارك ، أم صميده إزيها والعيال --) راحت الثلاثين ثانية وملحق يسأله السؤال

فسأله جورج قرداحي: وهلا شو بدك تسوي

فجاوب: أنسحب ياعم و آخد ال 200 ريال بتاعت السؤال الأول والمثل بيقول



عصفور باليد ولا عشرة على الشجرة

Everybody's free to wear sunscreen

inspired by Ri's comment on my last post, here are the beautiful lyrics of the sunscreen song...

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering
experience…I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you
imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with
people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes
you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with
yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your
life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe
you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t
congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your
choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body,
use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever
own..

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for
good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize
that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than
it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…"

and for fun, here's the comic parody of this song by chris rock, called No Sex (In the Champagne Room)

"Ladies and gentlemen.. of the G.E.D. class of 1999
I have one piece of advice for you
No matter what a stripper tells you
There's no sex in the Champagne Room.. NONE!
Oh there's CHAMPAGNE in the Champagne Room
But you don't want champagne.. you want sex
And there's NO sex.. in the Champagne Room

Don't go to parties with metal detectors
Sure it feels safe inside; but what about
all those niggaz waitin outside with guns?
They know you ain't got one..
If a woman tells you she's 20 and looks 16.. she's 12
If she tells you she's 26, and LOOKS 26.. she's damn near 40
Take off that silly-ass hat
The O.D.B. couldn't have possibly committed all those crimes
Coolio did some of that shit
Young black men -- if you go to a movie theater
and someone steps on your foot, let it SLIIIDE
Why spend the next twenty years in jail
cause someone smudged your Puma?
Cornbread -- ain't nuttin wrong with that
No matter what you think of what I'm sayin
Remember this one thing: there is no sex, in the Champagne Room

[Gerald Levert]
Ooooohh...
No sex in the Champagne Room (6X)
Absolutely, positively, no sex in the Champagnnnne, Room
No.. no-ohhhhh...

[Chris Rock]
If a homeless person.. has a funny sign..
he hasn't been homeless that long
A +REAL+ homeless person, is too hungry, to be funny

If a girl has a pierced tongue - she'll probably suck your dick
[Levert: That'd be great..]
If a guy has a pierced tongue - he'll probably suck your dick
[Levert: I don't want that, no..]
Here's a horoscope for everyone:
Aquarius: You're gonna die
Capricorn: You're gonna die
Gemini: You're gonna die TWICE
Leo: You're gonna die
Scorpio: You're gonna die f**kin
[Levert: Ohh yeah..]
No one goes to Hooters for wings
[Levert: No no no..]
If you've been dating a man for four months
and you haven't met any of his friends, you are NOT his girlfriend!
Some of the things I've said may not apply to you
Some of the things I've said may offend you
But no matter who you are, you must remember this one thing
No matter what a stripper says
There's no sex in the Champagne Room
NONE

[Gerald Levert]
No sex in the Champagne Room
Said no sex in the Champagne Room
No sex in the Champagne Room
No no sex in the Champagne Room
No sex in the Champagne Room
Can't get none, uhh
Can't have none, nah
in the Champagne Room
Said there's absolutely, positively
no sex in the Champagne Room
Said no.. no..
Said no-ohhhh..
Said Chris said..
There ain't no sex
in the Champagne Room.. no.. no.. no..
Can't get none, ahh
Can't have none..."

Jude

i was watching alfie a few days ago, and jude law's character said smthg i really liked:

"it seems to me that problems you worry yourself sick about never seem to materialize. it's the ones that catch you unexpectedly on a wednesday afternoon that knock you sideways."


how true is that ! and here's apicture of jude, just because....

Madonna

Date: Saturday, November 1 & 2, 2008
Time: 8:30pm - 11:00pm
Location: T.B.A
City/Town: Dubai, United Arab Emirates

more info (tickets)

Eat, laugh and look pretty

last week i went to do my nails in a place called nail polish. my friend made me go there since she lives in jabriya and was too lazy to drive anywhere more than 3 min away from her house.

anyway, turns out it's a charming little place with a decent selection of colors. i give the finishing an 8 out of 10 which is very good, but the best thing about that place is that they have a flat screen playing friends episodes non-stop :D

they also served us tea and chocolate chip cookies as our nails were bring done, which obviously won me over.

i like n-style as well, but it's good to have 2 different alternatives - when one isnt available, u can go to the other.

nail polish 5352546
n-style 5719050