Tuesday, February 6, 2007

40 Things That You Would Love To Say Out Loud At Work

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to publicly humiliate yourself.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
7. I'm out of my mind at the moment, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here - I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I don't understand a damn word you're saying.
10. Ahhh. I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you! We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you does not mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your cry-baby whiny-ass opinion would be?
24. Do I look like a f **king people person to you?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. Oh, I get it. Like humour - only different.
32.A cubicle is just a padded cell without the door.
33.Can I trade this job for what's behind door number 1?
34.Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35.Nice perfume, but must you marinate in it?
36.Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is finally done
37. How do I set a laser printer to STUN?
38. I thought I wanted a career! It turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
40. Wait a minute! I'm just trying to imagine you with a personality.


The Criticizer said...

"40 Things That You Would Love To Say Out Loud At Work" + Make Sure You're Soooo Fired!

I know I don't wanna do half of that list. :P

Kinan said...


I think at one point or another I wanted to say all of the 40 things. In certain unique cases, say them all at once :P

My favourites: 10, 12, 14, 28, 37, & 40. :D

Fonzy said...

lool i say a lot of that stuff when my boss starts giving me shit! another one "i wanna shove my foot way up ur ass so that u taste my feet in ur mouth" :P

Elijah said...

Numbers 13, 24, and 38 are so me ;)

Zed said...

the criticizer : i pulled some of them recently at work... and i got away with it hehe...maybe cause all the employees here think i'm a schitzo lol

kinan: i like 3, 8, 24 and 39.. hehehhe 39

fonzy: someday i will "accidently" blurt one out.. then i'm sending my CV to you lol

elijah: dont we all JUST want a salary... Gulf bank has this "win a salary for life" campeign ... that would be comfortable