Sunday, December 30, 2007

Ignorance is bliss

Excerpts from a dog's diary:
8:00 am Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!



Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:
Day 683 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches:
the dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released --and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded!
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe....... for now....


so are u a dog person or a cat person ;)

13 comments:

chikapappi said...

CAT :p

Princess said...

im a CAT

Ri said...

I'm a dog-cat-cow-sheep-camel-lizard-duck
-elephant-wolf-tiger-lion-toad-pig-
mouse-gorilla-and-every-other-thing
-you-can-think-of-except-butterflies
person.

Kinano said...

DOG ALL WAY THROUGH!

N. said...

Feline. Rawr.

outkasty said...

I am definitely a human person =/

meeemo said...

without a doubt DOG !!!

Joud said...

chika: yeah i kinda firgured that one out :P

princess: with a nick like that u must be !

ri: u'll take lizards over butterflies ??

kinan: i love dogs too, they're just too much work

n.: hehe dont u mean meow

outkasty: cats are so much cooler

meemo: yeah they're pretty cool too

Ge6awEe said...

3ajeeba el ga6wa! lol etwanis.. bas i'm defnitely dog !

Joud said...

your name is ge6awee and u're definitely a dog person ??

moocherx said...

I'm a dog person. They're my favourite things!

Joud said...

hey moocherx where have u been !

i know u're a dog person i remember your dog posts :)

Elijah said...

I kept reading it over and over, I just loved that cat :)