inspired by Ri's comment on my last post, here are the beautiful lyrics of the sunscreen song... "Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering
experience…I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you
imagine.
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you
Sing
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with
people who are reckless with yours.
Floss
Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes
you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with
yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your
life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe
you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t
congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your
choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body,
use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever
own..
Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for
good.
Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize
that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than
it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen…"
"Ladies and gentlemen.. of the G.E.D. class of 1999
I have one piece of advice for you
No matter what a stripper tells you
There's no sex in the Champagne Room.. NONE!
Oh there's CHAMPAGNE in the Champagne Room
But you don't want champagne.. you want sex
And there's NO sex.. in the Champagne Room
Don't go to parties with metal detectors
Sure it feels safe inside; but what about
all those niggaz waitin outside with guns?
They know you ain't got one..
If a woman tells you she's 20 and looks 16.. she's 12
If she tells you she's 26, and LOOKS 26.. she's damn near 40
Take off that silly-ass hat
The O.D.B. couldn't have possibly committed all those crimes
Coolio did some of that shit
Young black men -- if you go to a movie theater
and someone steps on your foot, let it SLIIIDE
Why spend the next twenty years in jail
cause someone smudged your Puma?
Cornbread -- ain't nuttin wrong with that
No matter what you think of what I'm sayin
Remember this one thing: there is no sex, in the Champagne Room
[Gerald Levert]
Ooooohh...
No sex in the Champagne Room (6X)
Absolutely, positively, no sex in the Champagnnnne, Room
No.. no-ohhhhh...
[Chris Rock]
If a homeless person.. has a funny sign..
he hasn't been homeless that long
A +REAL+ homeless person, is too hungry, to be funny
If a girl has a pierced tongue - she'll probably suck your dick
[Levert: That'd be great..]
If a guy has a pierced tongue - he'll probably suck your dick
[Levert: I don't want that, no..]
Here's a horoscope for everyone:
Aquarius: You're gonna die
Capricorn: You're gonna die
Gemini: You're gonna die TWICE
Leo: You're gonna die
Scorpio: You're gonna die f**kin
[Levert: Ohh yeah..]
No one goes to Hooters for wings
[Levert: No no no..]
If you've been dating a man for four months
and you haven't met any of his friends, you are NOT his girlfriend!
Some of the things I've said may not apply to you
Some of the things I've said may offend you
But no matter who you are, you must remember this one thing
No matter what a stripper says
There's no sex in the Champagne Room
NONE
[Gerald Levert]
No sex in the Champagne Room
Said no sex in the Champagne Room
No sex in the Champagne Room
No no sex in the Champagne Room
No sex in the Champagne Room
Can't get none, uhh
Can't have none, nah
in the Champagne Room
Said there's absolutely, positively
no sex in the Champagne Room
Said no.. no..
Said no-ohhhh..
Said Chris said..
There ain't no sex
in the Champagne Room.. no.. no.. no..
Can't get none, ahh
Can't have none..."
General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently. You'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of an ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters. 
